I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
