Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You dont lie about slip and slides
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
