I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
