we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I currently don't understand fingers.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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