I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
