bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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