He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
