Non-Jews are for practice
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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