You work out of a Hotel?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
