I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
