so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
