I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize