I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
