Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
