Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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