Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
