I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
