Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
