My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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