i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
