Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just googled if crying burns calories
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
