I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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