I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
