O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
