just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
