New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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