im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bring me that man meat
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
