Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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