Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
