She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
