i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
