I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
