I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
