I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
