so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
