this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
