is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
