I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize