I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
