Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
