i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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