The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
