i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
