I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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