He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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