just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
