I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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