i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
