girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
