you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
