it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
