I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
