if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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