wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
