I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
