I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
