she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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