Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
