Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
