She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
