What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
