I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize