It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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