so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize