Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have post one night stand depression
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