Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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