She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
