In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
