he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
