In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
