areolas are like halos for boobs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
