I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my liver is dry heaving
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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