If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
