I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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