i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
