Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
