New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
