that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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