Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
