I will die if light touches me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
