The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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