You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize