miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
