I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
