sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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