And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
