I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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